Friends true and through…

February 24, 2010

When you suddenly find yourself faced with seemingly insurmountable problems you can’t help but feel lost and all alone. You start to take stock of all that you have and if this proves to be not enough, you start to think about who you can probably ask help from.

My son was diagnosed with a congenital “defect” (and for this reason the hmo won’t cover it) that needed surgery as soon as possible… or it would probably be more accurate to say, “as soon as you have the money”. The problem is we didn’t have the money… I don’t have 75,000 pesos, heck I don’t even have 5,000 pesos in my bank account. I will have around 11,000 from my oDesk writing jobs, but the last time I checked that money won’t materialize until March 3.

And all this time my son is in pain… he is not in unbearable pain I suppose because he is still the energizer bunny that he usually is, but he would often tell me that the part that needed surgery on is painful… and he would ask that I rub some liniment on it every now and then. If you were in my place, wouldn’t your heart have already melted?

I waited for this child all my life. I have actually given up wishing to have a child when a round of fertility efforts failed… and that was when he came… nothing short of a miracle I dare say because I was already pushing 35.

Now here he is… in pain and needing surgery… and we didn’t have the money to get him the first surgeon available at the soonest possible time. I was desperate and distraught that I thought of texting his godparents to ask them to “advance” five years-worth of Christmas and birthday gifts. By the way, I didn’t just toy with the idea… I really did text them… at least those who are really close friends of mine.

Out of several, only three responded… one belatedly responded but at least he responded just the same… offering not just monetary help but help in finding other surgeons who could do the operation for a lot less.

A godmother almost instantaneously called me up after receiving my text message to offer solace and promise to track down a former officemate who had an uncle who is a surgeon. She said he might not be the pedia-surgeon my son needed but just the same he is sure to have some connections we could use. She didn’t stop there… she got in touch with friends and friends of friends to see what kind of connections they have in the medical world. If that is not true friendship, then I don’t know what is.

Then there is this one particular friend, (who was not even a godmother to my son) with whom I stayed in communication with only through IM and despite being a stay-at-home-mom herself (read: having no income of her own) immediately asked me for my bank account so she could send me some money for my son’s operation. I was sooo touched by her gesture.

The godfather (though he’d really rather be a godmother) who took a few days to remember to reply, promised to help out in whatever way he can and to even ask his officemates (who were former teammates of mine) to help out as well.

There is also this former co-agent, who probably has more problems than I do and whose child also needs medical attention quite often, who never fails to empathize with me and my plight as a stay-at-home mom trying to eck out a few extra bucks. She probably also has a lot of money problems nowadays (aside from motherhood that’s one topic we never fail to talk about whenever we get to chat through IM) but she has unselfishly offered to help with whatever amount she could pitch in.

And of course, there is Momi Yoki, another former officemate who pointed me to the right direction… by telling me to make the hmo coordinator my first pit-stop before making my way to finding the specialist that I needed and could afford (since my son’s case is congenital, the hmo will not cover it in full, but only to the extent of 20,000). What touched me the most is that she went out of her way (she has her own brood to attend to, it being a Sunday) to call the hospital to get the pediatricians’ schedules. She even went the extra mile and called the hmo to confirm that my son’s treatment will be covered up to the maximum amount of 20,000 pesos. Prior to her call to the hmo, I was convinced that we would have to raise the money needed all by ourselves because it is explicitly stated in the hmo guidebook that congenital illnesses will not be covered. Boy, what a relief I felt when I found out that our problem was lessened by at least 20,000 pesos, give or take the semi-private room that was also included.

That to me is what real friendship is all about… especially when the one banking on the friendship has nothing to offer in exchange or in return aside from the “friendship” itself.

It’s not the amount, it’s not the time it took to respond, but it’s the gesture… it’s the genuine concern these people showed to me in my hours of great need and desperation. It’s the “being there when they were needed the most” that really struck a cord in my heart… and for this I say thank you to Maricel, to Cheechang, to Martin, to Lucky and to Momi Yoki. I might not have any money or position nor the influence to “incubate” the friendship I have with you, but you have stayed on… true and through it all.

P.S.

Thank you also to Ace for recalling that Momi Yoki once had the same predicament and telling me that I should consult with her.